Lately I’ve been doing a lot of work with clients on noticing three mental functions: Prediction, Comparison and Evaluation. I’ll say some more on that in another post, but I’ve noticed that when people start to see how much comparing, evaluating and predicting their minds do, there’s often an immediate urge to ‘fix’ this problem. As if, “I’m doing too much of this [that's a comparison and an evaluation right there by the way] and it has to stop.” [and there's an implied prediction: "... or something bad will happen!"]
Almost anything can become a problem if you let it… or if you mind simply has to have problems to justify its problem-solving existence.
I used to relate a metaphor to clients that I call Pebble In The Shoe.
Find something uncomfortable?
You’re going hiking with your friends. It’s a beautiful sunny day, you’re with people you want to be with doing something you enjoy. As you walk along the trail you relish the sun shining on your back, the cheerful conversation of your friends and the sensuous pleasure of exerting your body in a task it was designed for. This is just how good life can be.
Then a pebble bounces off the ground and into your boot. This is a nuisance but you’re not going to let it ruin your day, so you walk on. After a while though, the pebble shifts a little and the annoyance becomes pain. But you and your friends have just had a break and you don’t want to slow them down, so you keep walking.
Now the experience changes – the sun gets warmer and your sweat is uncomfortable, the pack feels heavier and jolts when you step over logs or rocks, the straps feel like they’re cutting in to your shoulders, your friends’ happy banter is annoying now because their exuberance is stark against your own souring mood.
The power of the pebble.
What is the metaphorical pebble in your shoe? In other words, what is there in this moment that you are unwilling to have?
Let that question sink in a bit:
What is there, happening in your experience, right now, that you can not have?
See if you can find anything that you’re resisting or struggling with – unpleasant sensation, uncomfortable thought, unwelcome feeling or mood – that you want to get rid of or push away from you.
Now, see if you can connect with it more fully and grant it permission to be a part of your experience. [Hint: It already is if you noticed it!] This isn’t a matter of wanting it to be there – who would want a pebble in their shoe? But if you’re experiencing it, could you calmly permit that experience its space?
If you’re trying to do this exercise and it’s difficult to locate or connect with unwanted experience, start with a neutral aspect of experience. For example, are you willing to have the ground under your feet? How about the seat you’re sitting on – are you willing to have that? And the air that you’re breathing right now, is that okay with you? Mostly people find these things are able to be accepted.
Good, now bring that same sense of acceptance to something you struggle with. In the moment preferably, but in the past or in the much-worried-about future is fine too.
And by the way, if there’s a sensation, thought or feeling you don’t want to have and you wished you did want it, can you be willing to experience the not-wanting just as it is?
{ 0 comments… add one now }